How to plan the perfect Valentine night in with your partner. Mary Clegg, Sex and Relationship Psychotherapist and founder of www.beecourse.com gives you her top ten tips for a successful night in for Valentine or any other occasion. Spending an evening together seems like a simple idea, planning a romantic evening with your partner, but so many things can go wrong and ruin the best of intentions.
1. The most important thing to do is plan.
2. Think carefully about what your partner would like, what pleases him or her most. The more you think of how to surprise and delight them, the more you will be guaranteed a sure fire winner of an evening.
3. I suggest Love Notes first, text your lover with saucy messages to get them in the mood. If that is not possible leave little written messages where you know they will find them. For her – in her underwear drawer, on her pillow, in her purse. For him – in his trouser pocket, in his wallet, on the car steering wheel. These messages need to be left at least in the morning so your partner knows to expect something but does not know quite what. There is nothing worse than thinking all day that you have been forgotten.
4. For the fellas how about putting a rose with a message around the house and giving HER clues to each one?
5. For the girls how about leaving dainty bits of your underwear with a note pinned to it around the house and clues for HIM to follow.
All the senses come into play.
6. Food is the curtain raiser to wet the appetite for things later on – make sure the food is light, simple to cook, could even be eaten by feeding each other and finally have a gooey desert that you can lick off each other.
7. You are now ready for a sensual shower or bath using a luxury bath product. Take your time and really enjoy soaping each other from head to toe!
8. We have talked about touch and taste now go overboard on aromas and make sure you set the scene with candles, room fragrances and his or her favourite perfume or aftershave (not too much just subtle) . Check out the special romantic products on www.beecourse.com..
9. Make sure the room is warm and cosy and gently lit – you could snuggle in front of the fire on a rug or blanket with lots of pillows. Tickle each others fancy with a feather or a fur mitt, this all helps to make sure your partner is sensationally ready for you.
10. Finally tell each other how much you love and care for each other – dim the lights and the rest is up to you.
Looking for some Valentine tips on how to expand and explore your sexual relationship. Hoping that this Valentines Day you will deepen your sexual connection with your partner.
Have a look at our book selection for a different Valentine Gift, which has a number of sexual exploration books for couples. From tips and techniques to delving deep into each others erotic minds, make this Valentines Day present one that will last all year round. Valentines Day is all about expressing feelings of love and focusing attention on the important romantic relationships in our lives. You do not have to spend a huge amount either to get the result you want. We have some hints and tips and many of our gift ideas are under a tenner.
What is the best way to express love and devotion, without going into debt? Also would purchasing an expensive gift really convey what we feel deep inside?
If you have time and little money how about making something yourself? Because if you create something that has taken time, effort and care, your partner will be knocked out with the thought you have put into it. Nothing is sexier than making something yourself, because in creating something for your lover from scratch, you are showing that your love is personal and it certainly comes across.
Consider then the following ideas for Valentine’s Day gifts that will wow your lover, speak your heart, and cost almost nothing.
Five Valentines Ideas to Make your partner a happy bunny this valentine day that cost nothing but time Valentines Day Idea No 1 Write love poetry
Keep it short and sweet. Make it romantic or naughty. Write down the first things that spring to your mind as this spontaneity will focus on the real thoughts you have for your partner. This is not for the Nobel Prize for Literature but a private verse so do not worry about rhymes and cadence or flow. Forget about the flowery verse you are imagining with a lot of thous and beset. Write fun, raunchy, bawdy love poetry. If you want to get laughs, make sure it rhymes. A simple suggestion would be to make a poem on the lines of …Without you there would be no…. You can then use your own personal observations of your partner or way of life. Valentines Day Idea 2 Write down the story of how you met
You both have to do this one. This can then be typed up and presented with a red ribbon round it. Decide to do this well in advance so that each of you has the time to think about your story. Include in it how you met. Whether you were introduced by friends or family, met in the office or at another occasion like someones wedding. How long did it take you to fall in love and what were those feelings? This is a story to tell in your own words. What were your feelings before you met were you sad and lonely or just out of another relationship. What did your family and friends think of the relationship, what do they think now? Try to remember all the small insignificant details. This is great fun and you will both be amazed at the details only one of you will remember, and the small differences in the way you both remember it happening. Valentines Day Idea 3 Take a Sexy Picture of each other
Normally we end up with photos taken in Passport Photo booths with the top of a head missing and leery grins. This time take some trouble to set the scene. Say, decorate your bedroom as a den of desire with candles, feathers and exotic throws and picture each other in various poses wearing sultry clothes, or draped in exotic scarves. Or what about in front of a lovely romantic fire on a thick rug. These do not have to be pornographic but sensual and sexy. The memory can be carried with you in your purse or wallet for always. Valentines Day Idea 4 Make your own Sexy Cheques
This way you could give your partner a cheque book to last the whole year through. Be imaginative. Think about all the things you and your partner would enjoy. This could be a recipe for a romantic evening, taking a romantic stroll looking at the stars to a sexual service performed unconditionally, (which is within the limits that your partner would agree to), housework or breakfast in bed done in the nude. This could be no holes barred or ideas that you want to fulfil but did not know how to ask your partner. The joy of this is that you can set the boundaries and your partner has a choice. You may also be surprised by WHAT they choose! Valentines Day Idea 5 The Non cook gets to cook a romantic meal
It is especially important this is done by the one who does not normally cook. The best bit for the usual cook is a night off, intrigue by what is going on in the kitchen and surprise. Hopefully a nice one.
If you have never cooked anything before, but want to make sure it goes well, go to the supermarket and buy a premium quality ready meal then spend time and effort setting the table with candles, flowers and nice table ware. If you can cook a little now is the time to get out the recipe book and try something. Cook books for kids are a great starter because the instructions are simple and the food recipe is easy to follow and cook. If you are really stuck make loads of finger foods and dips – get naked in the bedroom/living room and feed each other!
With Valentines Day just around the corner we thought we would concentrate on Valentine Diet Tips for a Healthy Sex Life. A Mediterranean Diet in particular may play a key role in protecting against impotence. Doctors have shown for the first time that men eating a so-called Mediterranean diet have a lower risk of erectile difficulties also known as impotence. In the new research doctors at the University of Naples looked at 200 men and compared the diets and lifestyles with those with and without impotence,. They found that men suffering from erectile difficulties or impotence ate a significantly lower amount of Mediterranean foods. Researchers found that the uptake of fruits was particularly important.
What is a Mediterranean Diet?
The lifestyle emphasises fresh fruit, vegetables, whole grains, beans, legumes, fish, olive oil and poultry. The programme includes a moderate consumption of dairy products and a limited consumption of red meat. Red wine in moderation is also enjoyed in a Mediterranean Diet.
Cut out overly-processed foods and starches, eliminate white bread, rice and potatoes. Reduce intake of cheese, red meat and saturated fats. Instead add new staples to your diet including whole-wheat pasta and bread, nuts and other foods rich in good fats and flavour.
With a menu comprised of foods such as cannellini bean salad with grilled fish, gazpacho, bulgar salad, lemon and feta pasta, and poached fruit salad, you should go wrong. Eat fresh fruit as a typical daily dessert; limit sweets with a significant amount of sugar and saturated fat.
Incorporate an abundance of food from plant sources, including fruits and vegetables, breads and grains, beans, nuts, and seeds.
Eat minimally processed and seasonally fresh and locally grown foods.
Total dietary fat should range from less than 25 percent to over 35 percent of energy, with saturated fat no more than 7 to 8 percent of total calories.
Eat low to moderate amounts of cheese and yogurt daily.
Consume low to moderate amounts of fish and poultry weekly; and limit eggs from zero to four servings per week.
Use olive oil as the principal fat, replacing other fats and oils.
Drink a moderate consumption of wine, normally with meals; about one to two glasses per day for men and one glass per day for women.
Only eat red meat a few times or just one time per month.
Enjoy pitta bread with olive oil, feta cheese and garlic. The Mediterranean Diet will introduce you to foods that were always on the no-no list, foods like nuts and prawns. These foods taste great, they are low in saturated fat and high in good fats.
Why is it good for you and how does it work?
The mainstay of the Mediterranean diet is olive oil. The health and therapeutic benefits of olive oil were first mentioned by Hippocrates, the father of medicine. For centuries, the nutritional, cosmetic and medicinal benefits of olive oil have been recognised by the people of the Mediterranean. Olive oil was used to maintain skin and muscle suppleness, heal abrasions, and soothe the burning and drying effects of sun and water. Olive oil was administered both internally, and externally, for health and beauty.
Recent research has now provided firm proof that a Mediterranean diet, which includes olive oil, is not only generally healthy, but that consuming olive oil can actually help lower harmful LDL cholesterol. Olive oil contains antioxidants that discourage artery clogging and chronic diseases, including cancer.
Many diseases are caused by the incontrollable receipt of food, especially food containing in excess saturated fatty acids (animal fats), leading to arteriosclerosis and cardiovascular diseases. In many instances erectile difficulties is caused by clogged arteries and so it is by avoiding these foods that we can make a difference.
Medical studies indicate that Mediterranean countries and specifically Greece, where olive oil consumption is high, suffer less cardiovascular problems from any other country in the world where the ratio of the consumption of animal fat is high or simply the nutrition parameters are poor.
By reducing the animal fats and increasing olive oil in our diet we obtain a perfect combination for the prevention of such fatal diseases, like arteriosclerosis and heart attacks.
The use of olive oil in nutrition is a beneficial factor for the function of the digestive system due to its property of keeping low the percentage of HCl in our stomach. Thus, the olive oil helps the normal function of the digestive system reducing to minimum the chances of ulcer creation and the other relative diseases, not to mention that is the best natural medicament for the fight against constipation.
Olive oil helps to sustain good levels of Vitamin E in our body. This vitamin has the property to delay the change of the cellular structure which leads to natural decadence, the people’s aging, so one of the best medicaments for delaying aging is the olive oil. On the other hand, as we all know, Vitamin E improves our sexual life. So one can say that olive oil is by itself an aphrodisiac!
Last but not least, is the unique property of olive oil to dissolve useful substances coming from food that cannot be absorbed by the human body.
Mary Clegg
Sex and Relationship Psychotherapist Founder of Beecourse.com
There is considerable merit in men learning how to give good finger foreplay to their female partners. If the massage medium is with something that can also enhance the response from this type of stimulation as in the case of using ON Female Arousal Oil then not only will the lady in question become more receptive she will enjoy the sexual interlude and want more.
ON female arousal oil
Why choose ON. Just a few drops will enhance arousal and women can feel a clitoral buzzing. Subjective arousal in women is difficult to feel unlike the obvious signs of arousal in men, so a product that helps women feel their wetness and arousal can be of great benefit in the bedroom especially if her partner caresses her with ON during foreplay. I thoroughly recommend ON to all my female clients with arousal and desire issues. Mary Clegg. MSc, COSRT accred. UKCP Reg. Sex and Relationship Psychotherapist
ON is perfect for women who are looking for more excitement in their love life or who need a little extra help with the feelings of natural sexual desire and arousal. ON, Natural Arousal Oil for Her, increases orgasm intensity, duration and frequency. Designed to enhance intimacy, ON uses an all natural botanical blend of essential oils to create feelings of natural arousal and increased wetness in most women.
A drop of two of ON applied directly to the clitoris creates a clitoral buzzing and increases wetness in most women. This exciting combination of arousal and heightened sensitivity leads to more intense orgasms for a deep, pleasurable sexual satisfaction. It also makes for stronger, longer lasting orgasms.
Using only the finest ingredients and essential oils from around the world, ON uses the same botanical products that have been used for centuries, but never like this! When topically applied directly to the clitoris, the proprietary blend of essential oils in ON create a natural excitement in the form of a delicious tingling that actually pulses with pleasure.
ON can be used anywhere, with a partner or without. It is most often used in the bedroom, but some women find it more satisfying to keep a small, discrete bottle of ON in their desk drawer at work or in their purse for use anywhere, any time. ON is great for helping a woman reach her climax or just for putting that secret smile on her face. It is completely edible, too, and will not interfere with any complimentary foreplay. For more information on ON Female Arousal Oil follow this link.
Comment by Mary Clegg – Sex and Relationship Psychotherapist
If we are to believe the current media diatribe, then every time we visit our GP for an in growing toenail we will be asked about our sex life. Many are quite rightly up in arms about the prospect. Quite possibly, as many GPs will be cringing in their surgeries at the very thought of making a sexual health enquiry of any patient.
At the moment, there are two key stories in the media accusing the big pharmas of creating illness conditions to sell medicine (whats new about that?) and new guidelines brought out by the medical profession (British Society for Sexual Medicine in collaboration with the British Fertility Society, the British Menopause Society, the British Association for Sexual Health and HIV, the British Association of Urological Surgeons, the Royal College of Physicians, the Royal College of Pathologists and the Society for Endocrinology) to make routine sexual health enquiry more of a normal part of a healthcare professionals job.
John Dean (Sexual Physician and Clinical Director of Sexual and Gender Medicine with Devon Partnership NHS Trust and Sexual Physician to St Peters Andrology Centre at The London Clinic), has been quite clear in accusing the pharmaceutical industry of having a very cosy relationship with the medical profession and while this may be true it is balanced by the fact that the Pharma reps have to adhere to very strict guidelines produced by the Association of the British Pharmaceutical Industry (ABPI). There are few meetings offering valuable Continued Professional Development in the UK today not supported by these same pharmaceutical companies. Moreover, a lot of the research, development and training into sexual health is funded in this way. The significance here is that sexual health other than STIs and unwanted pregnancies is viewed as a Cinderella service and receives very little support from Government or other funding bodies.
What is really needed is some transparency, being up front and not blurring the boundaries between this valuable support and the status of the health care professionals and their duty to the patient or client, and the need to learn more about the subject.
Sexual functioning difficulties provide the ideal scenario for the NHS to practice holistic or multidisciplined care for patients where integration of medicine and psychology can be used to show better outcome measures. In other words, lets offer good assessment for patients, address their needs in a confident manner and provide them with treatment options that suit THEM.
The advent of Viagra has given men the impetus to raise the subject of erectile dysfunction with their doctor, when appropriate, but what about the women? Women all too often suffer in silence and will not come forward for help with sexual difficulties because there is no confidence that by raising the subject in consultation, the likely results will be discomfort and embarrassment. There is a perception that their GP will fob them off or be too embarrassed to bring it up in consultation themselves.
At Sheffield University Medical School all students receive lectures on sexual medicine. Experience has shown that bringing this topic up in the first place is fraught with difficulty, but once it is understood why it is so important to address the issues, over 70% agree that their practice will change for the better by taking sexual histories of their patients and by keeping their patients relationship dynamics at the forefront of case management. Doctors and other healthcare professionals do need training, and the media need to keep a grip of their knickers and get the facts straight and not indulge their alarmist tactics; then we will move out of the dark ages.
Article by Mary Clegg, Sex and Relationship Therapist – Sponsored by Beecourse.com
For many years I have been recommending the Hitachi Magic Wand for women who experience difficulties with achieving orgasm. The reason? Any sex toy which has a constant vibration and that vibration can be sustained without drop in power, at a sufficient frequency, will trigger orgasm. The Hitachi is mains electric so obviously does not cut out at the wrong moment and can deliver just those conditions. So provided the woman in question is willing, receptive and relaxed enough to let it happen, she will come. There are very few women out there who are incapable of achieving orgasm. Read the rest of this entry »
Many times I am asked why use a sex toy at all? For many they say to me that they do not need that kind of thing, for others there is the thought that embarrassment or rejection of the idea will cause difficulties. Some men may feel threatened by the suggestion of a sex toy and others get turned on by the idea. We are all different, but unless we have a go, it is like saying we do not like Chinese food because we have never eaten it! So I have my top 5 reasons for trying a sex toy in the first place. It is also worth noting when I do my workshops that more than 40 reasons can be found for a sex toy, but that is another article!
When used as part of a therapy programme, vaginal trainers may be helpful for women with sexual difficulties. They have been shown to be of use for vaginismus, dyspareunia and vulvodynia. Vaginal trainers can play an important role in overcoming pelvic floor muscular responses that remain and sometimes increase after pain perception has decreased in vulvodynia. Vaginal Dilators or trainers as I prefer to call them, can be helpful in the control of the PC muscle reflex, which some say is the underlying cause of vaginismus tightness, burning, and penetration difficulties. As the woman is in control of the use of the trainer she can have more control over the size, speed, and angle of insertion.
As women consciously and consistently squeeze and relax the PC muscles with trainer insertions, they learn how to override the involuntary muscle contractions that had previously caused tightness or closed the entrance to the vagina to sex this could be coined as creating new muscle memories. Together with appropriate exercises, they help women retrain their bodies to respond correctly to penetration and to transition to fully pain-free intercourse. Read the rest of this entry »
In 1948 Arnold Kegel first described pelvic floor exercises as a treatment option for patients suffering from stress incontinence. Today, doctors still agree that undertaking regular Kegel exercises to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles is of great benefit to women with incontinence.
Recent clinical research has recommended that pelvic floor exercise should be the first choice of treatment for genuine stress incontinence because simple exercises have proved to be far more effective than electro stimulation or vaginal cones.
Well-toned pelvic floor muscles can also dramatically improve your sex life!
